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As much as we keep being told that it’s important to speak out about mental health, it’s clear that there are some conditions that are still a huge taboo. You know the ones- they’re the conditions that people are too scared to admit to having, because they are ridiculed, used as insults or sensationalised in the media to the point that the language around certain disorders has been manipulated so much that it’s taken on an entirely new meaning. If you don’t believe us- see how many times ‘narcissist’, ‘sociopath’ and ‘psychopath’ appear in the media every week.

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In fact, when we first started this project, nobody would talk to us about the most stigmatised mental health conditions. Why would they? There was virtually no positive- or even neutral- representation around certain conditions, so why would people trust us to tell their stories in an unbiased, non-sensationalised way? It was a real battle to convince people to share their lived experiences. But eventually, people realised we were determined to try and change the narrative around these disorders and began to share their stories.

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We accept that there is some debate around whether personality disorders are classified as mental illness- for the purposes of ease, we’ve included them under the category of mental illness on the site because let’s face it, ‘Sorry My Mental Illness or Personality Disorder Isn’t Sexy Enough For You’ doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.

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Of course we always knew that some people would disagree with what we were doing with this project. Personality disorders in particular have been demonised to such an extent that people simply can’t accept that we’re not all the epitome of evil and have long suffered an image problem.

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We’ve all seen personality disorders linked to crime- be it either used as a defence for committing heinous acts. Just so you know, mental health conditions are never an excuse to be a s***ty person, and it’s actually super insulting to people with personality disorders that the legal profession uses it as a justification for crime to get someone off the hook.

 

A personality disorder does not excuse someone from accountability for their actions) or as an accusation towards someone (let’s be honest, usually a woman) who lawyers or the media are trying to smear. All of this clearly transmits the message that personality disorders are something that bad people have. Especially if it’s a Cluster B disorder.

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What we want to make 100% clear is that we DO NOT support abuse of any kind. When we have received criticism in the past- and we have had a lot of it- it’s usually been because of our stance that not every person with a mental illness or personality disorder is abusive, manipulative or violent, which is somehow construed as us condoning abuse. This is absolutely not the case.

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Whilst we acknowledge that some people with mental health conditions cause harm to others, it isn’t every single person with that diagnosis. We set this project up to show that most of us are living relatively normal lives, trying to deal with conditions that we never asked for nor wanted, and the stigma is incredibly damaging.

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Every time someone armchair diagnoses someone with a personality disorder on an internet forum, every time a newspaper screams “Ten ways to discover if your ex was a narcissist!”, every time someone accuses someone they disagree with of being a ‘psycho’- it’s forcing people with serious mental illness underground. Who would want a label of narcissist, sociopath or borderline when society tells you how hated you are? People who feel stigmatised, discriminated against and ridiculed won’t seek help.

 

Disability (yes, quite often these disorders are classified as disabilities) is meant to be a protected characteristic. Yet society finds it perfectly acceptable to attack people with mental health conditions in a way they would never dream of attacking people of a different race, physical disability or sexual orientation. We are, it appears, fair game.

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Yes, there are absolutely people with mental health disorders who are abusive, volatile, manipulative and dangerous. But there are also people who are those things that do not have mental health disorders. Having a mental illness doesn’t have to dictate your character, personality or temperament. We are all still individuals, we all present in different ways. Just because you know one person with a certain condition, it doesn’t mean you know them all.

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We accept that our contributions come from people who are self-aware and have an ability to reflect on their illness and how it affects them, and the people around them. This isn’t the case for everyone with a mental illness. We know that some people are not self-aware or willing to work on themselves and that these people are likely to behave in ways that fuel the stereotypes. But there are plenty of us who are proactively working towards recovery and trying to be the best versions of ourselves we can be, and the stigma damages us terribly.

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We are not suggesting people should have their behaviour excused or justified on the basis of their mental illness and we would never encourage people to stay in a situation or relationship where they were unhappy. That is not what this project stands for. As with anyone, boundaries are important when dealing with people with mental illness, and you are absolutely entitled to- and absolutely should- walk away if you feel abused, threatened, used, manipulated or in danger in any way.

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We have been criticised for giving a voice to people who society deem to be damaging or dangerous. But unless we share these stories- and unless we encourage people to listen- nothing is going to change.