“Paranoid Personality Disorder is often stigmatized, not talked about enough and misunderstood.”
Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD) is one of a group of conditions called Cluster A personality disorders which involve odd and eccentric ways of thinking. People with PPD suffer from severe paranoia, an unrelenting mistrust and suspicion of others, even when there is no reason to be suspicious. Unrelenting, because it cannot be diminished by saying, “Don’t you see that nothing is wrong?”
What exactly is paranoia? Paranoia is thinking and feeling like you are being threatened in some way, even if there is no evidence, or very little evidence, that you are.
Severe paranoia (such as PPD and Delusional Disorder) is a rare mental health condition in which you believe that others are unfair, lying, or actively trying to harm you when there’s no proof.
Therefore, you can’t just call people paranoid out of the blue when in fact it’s pretty rare for someone to actually be severely paranoid.
People with PPD may struggle with some or all of the following symptoms; Doubt the commitment, loyalty, or trustworthiness of others, believing others are using or deceiving them, are reluctant to confide in others or reveal personal information due to a fear that the information will be used against them, are unforgiving and hold grudges, are hypersensitive and take criticism badly, read hidden meanings in the innocent remarks or casual looks of others, perceive attacks on their character that are not apparent to others (they generally react angrily and are quick to retaliate) have recurrent unfounded suspicions that their spouses or lovers are being unfaithful, are generally cold and distant in their relationships and might become controlling and jealous, are unable to see their role in problems or conflicts and believe they are always right, have difficulty relaxing and are hostile, stubborn, and argumentative.
Paranoid Personality Disorder is often stigmatized, not talked about enough and misunderstood. Why? Because people tend to believe that everybody is paranoid, so someone with PPD cannot be any different, therefore they shouldn’t be given extra attention or extra support. This could not be further away from the truth.
Yes, everybody experiences a level of paranoia sometimes. Whenever you’re walking down an empty road after 10pm, or when you’re not receiving answers back from your partner even after hours, etc. In cases like this, paranoia is a normal response to a stressful situation.
In other cases however, people who suffer from PPD may go to extremes, such as not eating anything for days or weeks because they believe all the food is poisoned, not going outside the house for months or years because they think a person is standing at the door with a gun ready to shoot them, not trusting any single word their partner is saying even though they are trying very hard to believe them, etc. These situations happen to me as well.
I have not gotten out of my apartment for nearly a year. I am constantly believing that someone is standing outside my door with a gun ready to shoot me. I can’t even approach the door to reality check myself. And even when I would be able to do that, I would just think “maybe they’re hiding behind the corner”. Nothing really helps. Nothing ever helped.
Sometimes, PPD can create delusions or hallucinations as well. I will never forget the terror I felt when I looked down at my food and saw dead flies in it. It was the experience of severe paranoia which made me hallucinate, and it didn’t happen only once.
My experience with relationships is also quite tragic. It’s very hard to trust people when you think and believe that everyone is out to get you. A person with PPD will start opening up usually to just one selected individual called a “safe person (SP)”. We don’t get to choose our SP, but we surely need some time with them to see if they can be trusted, if we feel safe with them. And trust does not come easily.
My boyfriend is always trying his best to speak assertively and reassure me that everything is fine and that he is telling the truth. And even though rationally I know he isn’t lying, I just can’t believe him. Many times I end up crying myself to sleep, in despair and a lot of anger, because I can’t get myself to believe him even after intensively forcing myself to be rational. Reason doesn’t have a place in a paranoid person.
Ask us why do we do what we do, why do we think the way we think. We will all tell you the same: because it’s the way it is. It’s how we feel safer, it’s how our mind perceives the world, through a broken lens of constant danger and terror.
We are all about safety, and we believe that nowhere is safe enough. We cannot escape our thoughts no matter how hard we want to, and we cannot just “control ourselves” when this paranoid brain is controlling us.
People with PPD do not want to be like this, I can promise you that. We don’t choose to be paranoid. We don’t choose to be unreasonable. And we certainly did not choose to carry the baggage of trauma that made us the way we are today. Because in the end, all personality disorders are subtypes of C-PTSD. And no one can choose to be repeatedly traumatized as a child.
People with PPD do not want to live like this. Most of us don’t have a way out other than intensive and long-term therapy, which is not an option for everybody, or ending our own life.
I personally live in a country that doesn’t have any professionals experienced with personality disorders enough to not stigmatize them. And I am broke, I have no way of making money because of my disorder. I’m sure I cannot be the only one.
Although this country would give people with PPD some financial help, I could not get myself to pursue this process because of the fear of not being believed and being stigmatized. It isn’t necessarily an irrational fear, as it did happen before plenty of times to just be called ‘crazy’ or ‘awkward’ instead of being offered help. Most people with PPD cannot even go to therapy because they are seriously afraid of going outside and meeting people. This is also my case. Life can be extremely dysfunctional and hard to exist in.
People with PPD need all the support they can get. Reality checking us is not going to work many times because, “The paranoia is never wrong”. In our head, everything is a danger and there’s nothing you can do to prove us otherwise.
There are, however, a few things you can do to help someone with PPD, starting by listening to us. Don’t immediately dismiss our thoughts and feelings. Learn as much as you can about PPD, and don’t rely on the DSM alone. Try to be understanding, kind, accepting and as patient as you can, because patience is probably the most important and needed aspect.
People with PPD do not have a community of their own, because many of us are afraid to share our thoughts or stories online. Show us that you are there for us. Don’t leave any space for interpretation in your words and actions. Be yourself and never lie to us. Don’t necessarily treat a paranoid person like you treat everyone else just because you think we will feel more included. The best thing for a paranoid person is to be alone, not included. Ask us what they need, don’t assume.
Try to understand that we are different, not disordered or awkward or wrong. Just different, with different needs, and every person with PPD will most likely have different levels of paranoia and will need different kinds of support.
Learn, learn, learn. Educate yourself as much as you can. It’s not an easy journey for us, and we have the tendency to feel like a burden for others. I constantly feel like a burden, especially in my very few relationships, and I think those people would be better off without me.
Unfortunately, the suicide rates of people with PPD is very high, which is one of the main reasons why this shouldn’t be a stigmatized and dismissed disorder. Learning about it and offering support to people with PPD should be common sense, and it could save lives.
PPD is a very stigmatized disorder and needs to be talked about more.
