My path to a BPD diagnosis began four years ago. I fell in love with a guy, but he didn’t love me back. He instead started dating my best friend. Then they broke up and he stopped talking to me and I totally fell apart. I started crying every day and I started hurting myself….
I first thought, “Damn, I seem to struggle with stuff no one else struggles with,” at the age of around nine to twelve, which was when my family problems, losses and the start of puberty kind of collided. These circumstances have culminated in diagnoses as an adult of Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD), Narcissistic Personality Disorder…
When I got diagnosed with BPD, I was splitting daily- on everyone. Even on my kids. I have what they call ‘quiet’ BPD, so my ‘splitting’ was mostly internal, although if anyone bothered me while I was splitting, I’d usually flip, yell at them, run away and hide. My internal state was so miserable, because…
I have always naturally loved having an ‘audience’. As a child, I was seen as exceptionally intelligent and gifted, was praised a lot but criticised equally as much. I think it did play a role in subconsciously feeling ‘special’ and rare, and alienated me from easily making connections with my peers. I’ve had severe health…
My most prominent NPD symptom is the excessive need for admiration. It takes up a lot of my thoughts throughout the days, and determines a lot of my actions. My other symptoms sort of come secondary to that one. That was probably the first symptom to develop, too, with it starting all the way back…
My HPD symptoms are often mixed with my NPD symptoms; wanting excessive attention, breaking down if I don’t get it and feeling immediately useless and worthless. My self-esteem is fluctuating a lot and it depends way too much on what people say, what they think about me, etc. I’ve had these symptoms for as long…
I am a late teenager but I remember that ever since I was around eight to nine years old, I would be unable to feel any empathy for my caregivers when they would cry in front of me, and I noticed that I struggled to feel any empathy for classmates, a feeling that has persisted…
Symptoms of Conduct and Intermittent Explosive disorders, for me, started as early as I can remember, with my first younger sibling being born when I was two. I was very angry at him for simply existing. I blamed him for making my parents unhappy. I had violent tantrums (hitting/biting, I think I headbutting a doctor…
I have had symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder since I was a child. I don’t recall exactly when this occurred, but I have a very vivid memory of my coddling, spoiling, and sexually abusive mother telling me that I was so smart, I must be the reincarnation of Einstein. I looked in the mirror with…
So I have Narcissistic Personality Disorder and other conditions, but surprisingly NPD is the one that impacts my sexuality the most. I have no empathy, I feel very superior and entitled and my self-worth depends on other people very much. I think you can imagine well how that works in relationships… A lot of people…