Looking back to when my BPD symptoms first started, I can recall always feeling like an outsider at school. But back then I didn’t really understand mental health. I think around my teenage years, I personally started questioning myself. If I was a terrible son, if I couldn’t really make friends because I didn’t fit…
I wasn’t the first person to notice something wasn’t right. My ex-wife was. And I resisted it… vehemently. Which is ironic, because I was basically raised with psychology. My mom was a psych nurse for over four decades. I was diagnosed with ADHD at four and enrolled in a UCLA study on Ritalin. I had…
I am a 45 year old with an immense life story- ostensibly just a male, discouraged (quiet) BPD sufferer who went undiagnosed for years. I was the golden child of Asian immigrants to the UK- very much Head Boy and all that, but with familial abuse and incipient coping mechanisms like OCD and BDD (Body…
I found the place for a piece of my jigsaw and felt a sense of achievement as I pushed it into the picture. It was then the door swung open. I turned to see them advancing in like an army in battle. I flicked into flight mode and sped across the room. As they reached…
I have Borderline Personality Disorder and it’s likely that in a year or two’s time, it will have killed me. BPD doesn’t directly cause death. But because it has been at the root of so much of my suffering, I intend to take my own life- legally- by means of assisted suicide in Belgium, where…
I was 13 years old in my first year of high school. I felt like a light in me had sort of ‘switched off’ and I felt emotionally numb most of the time. There were times that were happy that I should have felt happy, and times that were sad where I should have felt…
I would say I started noticing something was not right when I was 14. I was being bullied, so I was experiencing distress on a daily basis, self-harming regularly and even had suicidal thoughts. Although the bullying was partly responsible for it, I think it was just the trigger of something much bigger. Throughout my…
My whole life- even as a child- I felt different from others. I first noticed something wasn’t ‘right’ the month before my final year of high school began. I wasn’t able to sleep; as soon as my head hit the pillow, my mind would ‘come awake’ and I would think about what I should be…
I felt ‘off’, for the lack of better word, even as a small child. I always felt that someone was going to notice that I am not ‘a real person’. I would say I was six or seven years old when those thoughts began. On the daily, I still feel like that- that I’m not…
I think I knew I had signs of BPD back as a teenager. I would cry every night and have overwhelming thoughts of bad things that were going to happen, or that I was all alone in the world. Looking back I was really poorly. I didn’t get diagnosed until my mid 20s with BPD….