“HPD is so much more complex than being dramatic or seeking attention.”

I first noticed my symptoms when I was 12. I started to ‘dress up’ more inappropriately or put myself in less safe situations just to get some form of attention. I’d hop from crush to crush and get bored easily when I didn’t get the validation I was looking for.

My emotions would be over the top and go from 0-100 in seconds- they were very dramatic or muted with little in-between, and that’s when a doctor first brought up the word ‘histrionic’ to me.  

Day to day I spent a long time in therapy to help with my symptoms, but the ones I struggle with the most daily are getting very attached to people easily, thinking relationships are closer than they actually are, and being very provocative. It feels like I’m worthless if I’m not seen as attractive. And if I’m invalidated or ignored I immediately get very depressed or lash out from frustration.

At work I get super attached to my co-workers easily and have difficulties performing my job. I will find myself flirting with friends and co-workers and making them uncomfortable without even realizing it. And if I feel invalidated by friends and family or feel like they’re ignoring me, I’ll get so depressed and dramatic and find that it ends up pushing them away and making them feel concerned and uncomfortable.

It’s hard on partner relationships, because I’ll go from super attached to very bored with the lack of attention, and since the disorder has a lot of seductive tendencies ,it’s caused issues with my partners confronting me about emotional or actual cheating which I know is wrong of me. I tend to avoid monogamous relationships to prevent harm on partners.

I was labelled with ‘histrionic traits’ at 12 after repeated hospitalizations. I had chronic issues with self harm and suicidality to cope with my dramatic emotions and feeling ignored. When I turned 20 I went back to counselling and after a evaluation I was told I met all the criteria for Histrionic Personality Disorder and was officially diagnosed.

I began trauma-based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and although I still struggle with my symptoms, I’m able to cope with my emotions and use my skills to prevent dramatic episodes from happening and communicate my needs and feelings better. And the trauma based CBT has really helped me understand why my brain learned to cope this way and how I can get my needs met appropriately.

I felt relieved to have a term for what was going on with me- I’m fairly open about it online, but in my personal life only trusted friends and family know. The reactions I get are often negative. A lot of people think we are liars, or that just because we are dramatic, it means we are not being genuine. I’ve lost family over my diagnosis because of the stigma around HPD.

I feel like people are uncomfortable with ‘attention seeking’ and tend to view it as a bad or toxic thing, so they don’t take the time to actually understand HPD. HPD is so much more complex than being dramatic or seeking attention.

Taking the time to listen to us when we communicate what we need and understanding the disorder helps a lot. There’s a book my therapist recommended to my mom during a family session called ‘Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder’ and a lot of the information can be applied to loving someone with HPD as well.

For anyone with HPD, I’d say a good way to manage is communicating with others, sticking to your treatment plan and reminding yourself that you are more than your disorder, and that you deserve love. HPD can make us feel so worthless and depressed,  so remembering your value and loving yourself is a big part of recovery.