“I wish people knew that I am not a monster for having so many disorders, and especially since I have NPD.”

My path to a BPD diagnosis began four years ago. I fell in love with a guy, but he didn’t love me back. He instead started dating my best friend. Then they broke up and he stopped talking to me and I totally fell apart.

I started crying every day and I started hurting myself. Nothing mattered to me anymore. I was devastated and depressed. Then all of my best friends left me because I was depressed, and I started having suicidal thoughts.

My parents took me to a psychiatrist because of my self-harm, and then after one year he diagnosed me. I finally felt that everything was making sense and everything was suddenly okay. I was more than happy to know why I was behaving the way I was.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder (Type 2), Panic Disorder, Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and social phobia. I also went through factitious disorder, anorexia and bulimia.

I find it easy to differentiate between the symptoms of each disorder now, but in the beginning it was really hard. Smoking helps me a lot. Also I am on the right meds so that’s helping me as well. And kind and supportive people in my life are the best thing.

It has affected my relationships with others so much, as well as my ability to study properly. My memory is so bad since I started having mental health issues. There are certain difficulties attached to my mental illnesses too. Other than that I don’t find it challenging- I am open about all of my diagnoses. I am very self-reflective, so I am a quick learner and I know so much about my conditions. Once I understand my symptoms they quickly fade away.

There is a lot of stigma around the BPD, and NPD in particular. I had a therapist who called me a psychopath, which made me angry. People with BPD are not all psychopaths with no empathy, nor are they are manipulative.

It’s also untrue that all people with NPD are bad and malignant. I am a communal narcissist. I would do anything to help other people to get praise and admiration. I love helping people and I am not a monster. There is also a misconception that people with BED don’t have any discipline over their eating habits.

I wish people knew that I am not a monster for having so many disorders, and especially since I have NPD. I am a kind and loving soul and I try to be as nice as I can to everyone. That’s why I want to become a psychologist to help other people.