“I hate the expression, “I’m so OCD”. It can be so frustrating when it’s ruined periods of your life.”

I was really small when I started having (what I had no idea were) panic attacks. I’d worry about tiny things that seemed endless and enormous. I’ve always experienced (in hindsight since a very young age) intrusive thoughts and then the classic OCD symptoms in terms of actions.

I have relationship OCD too and it was difficult navigating romantic relationships before I knew what was wrong. Ironically my work life isn’t impacted. When you know the stress OCD can bring (Am I dying? Have I got HIV? Have I accidentally killed someone?), work doesn’t seem too stressful by comparison.

My OCD came to a real head during the second year of my degree and that’s when I knew something was wrong. I pushed myself beyond any normal level and kept having panic attacks.

I don’t even think I needed a diagnosis. I remember coming home from a work experience abroad and I was really poorly. My mum gave me a book about mental health and there was a bit about pure OCD and I just sobbed with relief; I wasn’t going mad. Obviously I’ve had proper diagnoses since. The better I am and older I am, the more open I am, but there was a point where only family knew.

I’m big into exercise, saying no to some social events, having my own time in the evenings and sleeping at least 9 hours a night (my brain needs a rest!). At the moment I’m okay, but things like hormones and jet lag can really take things to a bad place.

I wish people knew that for me, OCD is just obsessive anxiety. The thoughts themselves mean nothing. OCD is often largely an overactive imagination.

I think people have no idea that the worst aspect of OCD can be the thoughts. It’s so isolating, alienating and lonely in your mind. I hate the expression, “I’m so OCD”. It can be so frustrating when it’s ruined periods of your life. I do feel depression and anxiety have become almost accepted (I have elements of these too) but things like OCD are still very misunderstood.