“The O is just as important as the C in OCD, and not everyone suffers from the O.”

I’m 36 now, but my OCD symptoms started when I was younger. High school wasn’t something I enjoyed and my mum had a history of OCD, so maybe it was inevitable.

By the time I was 16 the worries and anxieties were becoming all-encompassing. Total rumination, all day every day. For hours on end. Is this swollen lymph node cancer? Am I gay because I noticed that guy is attractive? It completely took over. It was beyond ‘just worrying’. It never ended. Even today with medication and having had treatment, I still sometimes become ‘trapped’ in the cycle of never ending rumination.

I have to say I’ve been lucky in that I’ve been able to function relatively normally in life, but it has certainly meant a lot of background noise at times that just won’t switch off.

As my mum had already been diagnosed with OCD she recognised it in me too. Without parents who recognised the problem, who knows how long I’d have gone undiagnosed? Twenty years ago, things weren’t as widely spoken about. I was well supported and informed early on thankfully. I got a referral to a psychologist and then got my OCD diagnosis – it was a huge relief. And yes, I’ve always been very open about it.

Outside of medication, obviously therapy helps – I generally don’t need to see one, but every couple of years if things get tough I’ll go back for a ‘top up’ and a run of sessions. It’s a work in progress, always.

Exercise helps me a lot. When I am fit in the body, it helps me to be fit and healthy in the mind too. Not always of course, it’s not magic, but it definitely helps. Sunshine is the other thing too. A sunny day does wonders.

I don’t think there’s a ‘stigma’ around OCD or that it’s particularly changed. It’s probably more recognised than in the past, but I think there’s still this idea that having OCD means you wash your hands all of the time (which can be true I guess) or that you just like things tidy (which might just be a personality trait). I don’t think people really get the obsession part. When the O in OCD gets you, nothing can break it. Nothing. It’s on repeat. A little voice in your head 15 hours a day, making you worry.

I personally haven’t seen or been affected by gendered views of OCD, but then as a cis man I’m possibly oblivious. I think people might tend to view it as more of a women’s mental health issue, but that’s just me hypothesising? I’m not sure really. I think for me the main thing would be if people recognised that it’s not just washing your hands over and over, or having to touch things in a certain way. It can be a prison of spinning worries in your mind.

The O is just as important as the C in OCD, and not everyone suffers from the O.